Sunday, March 16, 2014

What Makes A Relationship Between A Man And A Woman Toxic?



I started pondering over this subject as I came across Part II, Chapter I of Family Happiness By Leo Tolstoy. I am no expert on relationships. To be honest,  I never had any real relationship. I then thought 'what the hell! I'll anyway punctuate my thoughts in writing.

So assimilating all the vicarious experiences I had through people, books (mostly books) I think it is the very foundations of a relationship that turns it into some sort of toxic and acerbic disharmony between a man and a woman. In isolation we are in constant tussle with our-own-selves; a constant battle is going on inside. And we think and feel it is something or someone which or whom is accounted or attributed to or for, outside. So when a man or a woman goes for a fornicating relationship, they tend to put all their expectations on the very relationship, expecting it to strike a harmony in their lives, which otherwise seems impossible.  That very expectation in my opinion is the root cause of all acerbity and toxicity. If we don't give relationship such a great importance; of which it is so unworthy anyways; and dwell in our own hobbies and interests along with the relationship, giving equal importance and emphasis to every aspect of life, a relationship will turn out to be more harmonious and balanced.

Having said that I would like to add that a relationship will not only be harmonious and balanced one, but it'll also help each individual to grow and be magnanimous in their own domain.

A relationship between a man and a woman knows no boundaries. It has the power to take one down to the gaping abyss of darkness or lift one up to the zenith of total freedom, bliss and peace. Relationships give one some sort of perspective, but a fornicating relationship between a man and a woman gives one a totally unique perspective in a different dimension altogether. It is upon us how to make use of that unique perspective to our own advantage. Are we looking to explore the deep dark abyss of life or are we looking to touch pinnacles of light, bliss and freedom, through the kaleidoscope of that unique perspective (of which I have no first hand experience though) which we acquire from a relationship?  This question stands its total validity in my mind and thoughts.

Now the question arises, how to make use of a perspective which is so great and unique that it seems larger than life itself? First we have to understand that whatever we come across or encounter; nevertheless how great or grandiose it may appear or seem on the first instance is not that great and grandiose, when compared to life itself. Everything is just another part of life and not the other way around. If we understand this in mind and in heart then the possibility of basing all our hopes and expectations on 'the relationship' reduces to an abysmal zero. And when it comes to 'giving equal importance to every aspects in our lives'; we need to be more aware and create a conscientiousness in our minds. It need not to be two equals two. it can be three is approximated to two. Approximations are more radical and pragmatic when it comes down to real life (I hope you get the idea).

People talk about giving space and freedom whenever this topic is being touched upon. In my opinion these are just byproducts; given you start a relationship being aware, conscientious and basing it on close to zero expectation, knowing very well that it is not larger than life; space and freedom befalls on its own accord.

Footnote : Since the author of this piece of shit has no real life experience about a man-woman or woman-man relationship; kindly give him that benefit of doubt which he deserves. And feel free to share your own thoughts and views in the comments section below. Cheers!  


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